Letting Go
16 Dec 2011 1 Comment
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about letting go. Maybe it’s because it’s the end of the year. Perhaps it’s because I know a few people who have experienced the loss of loved ones this year. And probably because, as a coach, one of things I do is to work with people to help them let go — let go of old patterns of thinking that are no longer serving their growth, old expectations that keep them from expressing their full potential, old ways of being in the world that is more concerned with what others think of them rather than what is meaningful for them, even old dreams that may have fueled them once upon a time but which are no longer in alignment with who they have become. By letting go of all this stuff, space is made for new thoughts, new dreams, new life to come into their minds, hearts, and beings. I believe that we need to periodically do a metaphorical spring cleaning of the mind so that those ideas, thoughts, commitments, etc. that are dead are no longer allowed to continue taking up space and energy.
In other words, how can anything new come in if we never let go of anything?
We know this so well in terms of romance. How will anyone new ever come in when the old one is still taking up space in the mind and heart?
While the idea letting go in the realm of romance is pretty easy to digest and then put into practice, I’ve found that it can be a little trickier to apply to some other areas of life. Take, for example, the work front.
If you happen to have a miserable, soul-sucking job that takes all the joy and light out of you, why are you staying in it? This is especially true if you have even the tiniest inkling of what else you’d rather be doing. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to turn away from a sure thing (even if that sure thing is killing you) in pursuit of a longing, a desire, a dream.
But aren’t you worth it? What is the point of a life in which you spend the majority of your hours locked away at some job for a mere paycheck? I don’t care how big that paycheck is: if it makes you miserable, then the costs are just too high.
Yes, I know you have bills to pay. But what if you did some planning, saved some money, and then quit without necessarily having all the answers to the question, “what’s next?”
Scary, right? I know! But my personal experience is that something else will present itself. And I can say that, in almost every single instance, the unexpected things that showed up were better than anything that would have been available to me had I stayed where I was.
More than that, my experience — in my life as well as in that of my clients — is that the act of doing something a little scary and motivated by something that comes from deep within (rather than from the rational mind) tends to effect shifts in perspective that can be, ultimately, profoundly liberating.
Act Today, Procrastinate Tomorrow
17 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
“Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.” Simone de Beauvoir
How many times have you used “tomorrow” as the starting date of a new venture? And how often do you actually follow through on that?
For me, I’ve done it enough times to know that “tomorrow” is merely a procrastination tactic. And I usually accompany that tomorrow start date with the need to come up with a really great game plan. But when is a plan ever perfect? And so the start date gets postponed. Again and again.
If there is something I really want to accomplish, I’m learning that it’s better to just do something right away (following through to completion is a topic for another day). I know that planning is important, but so is action. Having a well-laid out plan is kind of like having a really lovely architectural plan: it all looks great on paper but nothing’s real until you start creating and building. And no plan is so flawless that it won’t undergo some revision.
So if there’s a dream project you’ve been putting off, if there’s something in your life that needs to be different, do something about it. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. You’ll tweak your plans along the way but at least you’ll be on your way.
Freedom From Unreasonable Expectations
10 Nov 2011 1 Comment
Patience is not one of my strengths. I’ve spent years working on cultivating more patience and, while I am more patient now than I was a decade ago, I’ve still got a ways to go. I get impatient that I’m not making more progress towards becoming a more patient person.
I find it’s become easier for me to be patient about certain aspects of my life. For example, thanks to over a decade of yoga practice, I’ve learned to be much more patient with my body. I’ve had many experiences in which I’ve tried to force my body into complying with what my head deems necessary and/or desirable and, more times than not, I’ve ended in increased frustration, discomfort, and/or injury. My body taught me that some things just can’t be forced; I will grow stronger and more flexible through time and practice.
Practice is the key, whether it’s in terms of the transformation of my body or the goals I have for my professional life. The recognition of the significance of time and practice to the achievement of any goal is really what frees me from the barrage of negative criticisms my mind wants to unleash whenever it grows impatient with my efforts. For this, I find much comfort in the 10,000-hour rule — Malcolm Gladwell’s assertion that the key to success comes from practicing a skill for 10,000 hours.
When I invoke the 10,000-hour rule for myself (e.g. when I am frustrated that I can’t seem to master a particular yoga pose), I am not doing so as an excuse. What I find particularly useful about the rule is that it helps give me some perspective so that I can see when I am being unreasonable in my expectations.
Personally I find the reference to the rule to be encouraging and a reminder to be compassionate. I also don’t think of the rule as something set in stone; my guess is that it may take even more than 10,000 hours for me to master some things (I also accept that there are some things that I will never master, no matter the tens of thousands of hours I put into it). Yet, while I may not have complete mastery at the end of 10,000 hours, I have no doubt that I will definitely be more accomplished at whatever that skill is after I have invested that much time in practicing it.
Compassion On and Off the Mat
20 Oct 2011 1 Comment
If you cannot be compassionate to yourself, you will not be able to be compassionate to others. – Thich Nhat Hanh
Whenever I do something wrong or “stupid” (however I may happen to define that in a particular moment), my tendency is to beat myself up over it for a long, long time. Over the years, I’ve found the time on my yoga mat to be an ideal place to begin learning how to forgive myself and to practice compassion towards myself. When I first started practicing, I would judge how well I did at the end of every class. But slowly, as my practice evolved, I cared less and less about rating my performance; instead, I focused more and more on how I responded to the challenge of a pose(s) I was not yet ready to do. While I have worked to cultivate a certain quality of non-attachment which has then allowed for an easier relationship between myself and the poses, what I have been really surprised to discover is the shift in how I deal with those times when I am unable to do a certain pose. I neither judge myself for not being able to do it nor do I give up. I just accept that, perhaps, today isn’t the day to that pose.
This practicing of compassion on the mat may seem inconsequential at first; after all, it’s just a yoga pose. But what I’ve discovered is that the effort of being compassionate with myself about the bigger things in life — all the stuff that happens off the mat — is getting easier because of all the time I’ve practiced being compassionate on the mat. And the more I can be compassionate with myself, the more I can be compassionate with others.
Be You
13 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
If everybody looked the same, we’d get tired of looking at each other – Groove Armada
Inspiration can come from unexpected places if I am open to it. The other day I was feeling kind of weary from the effort of always following my own path and not choosing to allow myself to be defined by social expectations and conventions when I came across this Groove Armada tune reminding me to celebrate my individuality. Why try to look and be like everyone else when our differences are what makes us interesting individuals?
Being in a Yoga Class Doesn’t Mean You’re Practicing Yoga
06 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
I have a tremendous love and respect for the practice of yoga. So much so that I not only practice yoga but I also teach it. I have experienced how it can have a profound effect on the body, mind, and spirit. Perhaps because the transformations I most value are the ones that happen on the internal level, I find myself increasingly tired of the privileging of slim physiques, limber bodies and youthful faces in the popular representations of yoga. To me whether someone is a yogi has little to do with how accomplished their physical practice may be and much more with whether they can be present on the mat and move into stillness. Fighting their way through a class and forcing their bodies into postures is something many people do but that, in my opinion, is not yoga.
Teaching us to be present, to be still, to maintain a dynamic kind of peace regardless of internal or external disturbances is, I believe, the purpose of the challenges of a physical yoga practice. In that sense, any fitness class can be turned into a personal yoga practice if you enter that class with a yogic attitude. Similarly any yoga class is little more than a series of balancing and conditioning exercises if you are primarily motivated by your ego. We are embodied beings and there is nothing wrong with wanting to focus on achieving physical goals as long as we’re honest about it. While the purpose of a fitness regimen is the achievement of specific physical goals, the physical benefits of yoga are a by-product, rather than the ultimate goal, of the practice.
Stretch in Your Body, Stretch into Your Full Potential
22 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
One thing I’ve observed over years of teaching yoga is that, sometimes, some people consider stretching to be something that is simple, easy, gentle, and not challenging. And yet if we think about the connotations of stretching when used in other contexts (for example, in intellectual or business endeavors), stretching is generally used to suggest something that is a little beyond one’s normal reach and that stretching pushes you to grow and expand in unexpected ways.
So what might happen if we flipped this around? What if we approached the physical stretching with a little more effort and approach the work as serious and challenging (rather than something that is thrown in as an afterthought following a “real” workout)? What might possibly be different if we applied ourselves with as much dedication and commitment physically as we would if we were being asked to stretch ourselves in our careers?
And what if we take the attitude of ease and gentleness commonly associated with a stretch class and apply it in a personal development context? What if we are encouraged to stretch ourselves and move ourselves closer towards the fulfillment of our full potential but, instead of pushing and forcing, the stretching comes from a place of kindness, gentleness, and ease?
Be Bold
15 Sep 2011 1 Comment
Fortune favors the bold. — Virgil
I’ve been thinking a lot about how this applies to change and transformation. So often I find myself on the precipice of a huge breakthrough only to find myself nearly incapacitated by fear. And yet, the only way to move out of the fear and have the breakthrough is by taking (bold) action.
I can feel that I am on the verge of something different, that I am at a critical juncture, and that is challenging me to trust that I have done the foundational work to make the next shift. As I prepare myself for the unfolding of the next step in my life’s journey, I am reflecting on my past to help bolster my confidence and remind me to stay strong, to stay courageous, to keep trusting, and to surrender my fear and ego so that I can make the big changes I need and want for my life. The bigger the change I am seeking, the greater my need to be bold.
What does it mean for you to be bold? What changes might occur in your life if you were emboldened to take action?
Do Excuses Run Your Life?
01 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
In numerous conversations with clients, friends, and acquaintances, I have noticed how we often create spectacular obstacles to keep us from pursuing our goals and dreams. These obstacles are presented sneakily, sometimes as very rational-sounding excuses (I can’t do xyz because I have these other work/social/financial/familial obligations) and sometimes as a seemingly friendly voice showing the fancifulness of our desires (you’re too old to really have a chance at finding your dream job/career/partner, etc.).
I am not saying that there aren’t legitimate excuses, challenges, and obstacles. For example if you want to be an architect, you really do have to slog through all those years of schooling. Coming up with the money and creating the time for that education might require a serious re-structuring of your existing life style choices. But a need to make changes in your current life to make room for future changes is not the same as saying that it is not possible to achieve that goal. Or say you want to be a world-famous artist but have no real artistic talent. You might need to re-consider that dream and dig a little to see what really fuels that dream. Look at what your artistic yearnings are really about and you may find alternative outlets for your creativity. Or perhaps your talents are less about your artistic creations but in passionately supporting others in their creativity.
When I hear excuses from my clients, what I really hear are expressions of fear, self-doubt, and rigidity of thought (a kind of mental stuckness, if you will). Excuses can exert a powerful hold over us, if we allow them to. But by listening deeply and honing in on the areas where ideas may have have calcified, I have discovered opportunities for questioning the validity of those ideas, digging deeper into the foundations of those ideas, and exploring new strategies and approaches to honor the root of those ideas in such a way that new hybrid ideas and dreams may bloom. And when that happens, excuses no longer hold power; instead, the excuses help illuminate new pathways for action and the creation of new dreams.
Success Guaranteed
26 Aug 2011 1 Comment
Have a specific goal in mind?
Regardless of the kind of goal — career, health, personal, whatever — the simplest, most effective method of ensuring that you reach the goal is through a regular course of action. A plan is good and necessary (in most cases) but nothing beats doing something that is directly related to your desired outcome. You can have the best plan ever conceived in the history of mankind but that beautiful plan will result in nothing if you do not put in consistent effort and take regular action. Only by doing something on a regular basis will you actually move forward and towards reaching your goal.
Simple, right?
It is really just that simple. Have a plan and then take action on a consistent and regular basis. Before you know it, you’ll be making significant progress towards your goal(s). So stop the whining, stop the excuses, and get to planning and doing.
